I can't stand how great this is

Baaahahahahaha!

I can't stand how great this is

Baaahahahahaha!

Brush with flame

So a friend of mine is in the running for Extreme Home Makeover. Color me jealous. But it sounds like they get into your shit enough that I'm glad it's not me. Sure, I could pass a background check, but is it worth it to have to hang around Paige Hemmis? I don't know. If they get picked, I guess I'll find out, 'cause you KNOW I'll be lurking around the site. Especially if Ed is on the crew.

Three months

Hey! Hi! Hello, there! Um, I have no excuse. Other than having three children under the age of 5. Jabba the Baby is 3 months old today and I can't for the life of me figure out how that happened. While the days sometimes seem e n d l e s s, the weeks and months just fly by.



She's figuring out how to suck on her hands, oh happy day!, and is still a fantastic sleeper. Except when we put her down for the night in the cosleeper. Then, not so much. I have to say, I do love sleeping with my babies, but it means that the sleeping part of the night is fragmented and not so great. So I'm always looking for a chance to catch a cat nap. Or a sloth nap, that appeals even more. I know it'll come, I mean, she hasn't even organized her daytime sleep very well yet, so expecting her to get it at night may be asking a lot. But I'm looking forward to it, oh yes I am.
















She's a champion puker. Like, if she were a cat, she'd have the horking down pat.

I've cut myself down to eating chicken, sweet and white potatoes, rice, tea (no caffeine, alas), 7-up (don't ask me why), and a few fruits. Still with the puking. And lest anyone think I'm being dramatic here, this is NOT spitting up a lot. This is dry-heaving, projectile, pyloric vomiting. Several times a day. Sometimes I can see it coming and get her to the sink, but generally it just comes out of nowhere. Could it be HFCS from the soda? I know she doesn't like dairy because she screams like we're pulling her spleen out her nose. Wheat seems to be a problem too, and given Dude's adventures in gluten-free land, I guess I'm not surprised.

There is a stomach bug going around, and I am allowing for the possibility that her continuing to vomit is related to that, but I don't know. If it hasn't cleared up by the end of the week, I shall freak.

Last month, I took her to visit her Auntie 6 in San Diego and we had a marvelous time. We ate hole-in-the-wall Mexican, fantastic Thai (like, I'm still fantasizing about that soup), and a lovely prix fixe meal at a spot on the harbor during restaurant week. And while we ate, we talked about what we were going to eat next. I brought out a couple of shoulder roasts from our pigs and she and Latrell Soulpatch had one for dinner after I left. I hear it was good. 6 was even willing to touch a baby. It's the end of times, I'm telling you.
















I'm taking all three (three!) kids to VA in April to visit my famdamily, and I can't decide if I'm crazy or outrageously brave. Maybe both? I have to call the airline and see what kind of services they can provide to keep me from killing one or all of them. I hear that TSA will sometimes allow someone to accompany groups like mine to the gate. Gopod, I hope so. Just getting all three car seats to the gate puts the fear of I-don't-know-what in me. Husband is coming out for the last half of the trip and we'll all go back home together.

Yeah. So. Um, that's all I've got.

Hatty holidays

I made this for Husband for Christmas but alas it's not long enough and I don't have enough yarn to extend it. I do have more than enough Cascade Eco Wool, however, so that's the next version. Alas, I spaced and didn't have them wind it before I left my LYS and I don't have a swift or a ball winder. I think they'd probably be overkill, though, which is why I don't have them. So tomorrow (if this crazy storm is over and the roads are clear) or Monday when it's all cleaned up, I'll go have it wound up for me. I think I can crank a new one out by xmas.






Sorry it's blurry; I had to shoot it without a flash and folders make lousy tripods.

Okay, so my dough rose, now what?

Gobble gobble

Today was the day of destiny for two of our turkeys. Husband dispatched, plucked, and cleaned them and now we let them sit until Thursday, when we will gorge ourselves silly and thank the turkeys for their ultimate sacrifice. I had really hoped to keep a pair of them as breeders but we still can't tell who's a hen and who's a tom, and my god they eat a lot, so all four (someone got the fifth last night, if you can believe it) are going to meet their maker.

I hope they're good. The chickens certainly have been, so I'm going to assume we're in for a treat come T-Day.

In other non-death related news:
Fat Baby is doing really well. Her jaundice is clearing up nicely, and she gained 6 oz between Tuesday and Friday. I expect she'll be back to her birth weight or better by her 2 week check on Tuesday. Two weeks! How the hell did that happen?

Perp and Dude continue to be fascinated, if a bit dangerous. They either don't get the concept of being gentle with her, or they are trying to off her in subtle ways. I really can't be sure which. Good thing babies are tougher than they look.

I can't get the kids to play outside, or even go for a walk. Christ, it's going to be a long winter.

This must be a typo

Britax!

Britax!

eta: out of stock now, or they caught the error and I'm going to receive an email that makes me do frowny face because they won't honor the price. Hope for the former, eh?

Smack Attack!

Our second daughter made a bit of an early appearance this morning. Her official due date was Thanksgiving, but she decided to grace us at 6:33 am on my father's birthday (clearly a Very Good Baby already). I don't know how to break it to him that I got him the most awesomest present of evah but he can't have it. I suppose I can loan her out on occasion.

She weighed in at 8 lb 8 oz, 19.5 inches long. I'm not sure if you can make out the incredible fat rolls, but this kid could give a sumo a run for his money. She has quite the ham hocks going on there.



It was a longer labor than I expected (7h) but since most of the ctx were only around 30-45 seconds, it wasn't really too bad until my water broke. Then things got Fairly Intense but it was by far the shortest stage of the labor. I cannot imagine doing this labor without the tub. CAN NOT. Apparently I'm quite the gymnast when I push. I think I nearly climbed out at one point, trying to find the right position for leverage and to get the hell away from that giant melon (okay, only 13.5", but from the inside it feels like a bowling ball. Can I get an amen?).

Best of all: no tears! No sutures! It doesn't hurt to pee and I'm not afraid to poop. Wow.

The kids woke up just as she was being born, so by the time they got into our room, we had her all wrapped up with a teeny lid. More interesting to go watch tv, though.

We're still working on names. We need her face to unflatten a bit before I can tell who she is, plus we still have a list of four or five we have to narrow down. It may take a few days. Good thing she has no concept of time.

The kids are so far quite fascinated and want to be around her all the time. They each have a baby wrapped up in a receiving blanket that they're toting around. I expect this will fade as they realize just how much time babies take up, but you never know.

I'm also proud to say I introduced one of my midwives to The Daily Show while we waited things out. She will never be the same.

All in all, a good day's work.

I GOT MY EARLY BABY!!



er, for those not in the know, Smacky is our all-purpose fetal name since we don't find out gender at ultrasounds. Hence the title. It has nothing to do with fondness for heroin. Mostly.

huh

With both Perp and Dude, once I had the lovely bloody show, it meant babytime was imminent. Like within a few hours. It would appear that the third child syndrome mantra "expect the unexpected" is repeated for a reason.

Still here. Still waiting. Still no contractions. Bah.

Not to jump the gun or anything

but I think Smacky may make an appearance today. We shall see.

Here's to hope

Husband took the carpet sharks out to see Madagascar, and I'm bouncing on a ball trying to get these contractions turn into Something rather than Nothing.

If you have any pull with the Uterus People, please put in a good word for me.

Ahhhhhh

Thank dog it's over. And I don't even have to stay up late.

Conservation of mess

If you took chemistry in HS or college, you probably remember the concept of conservation of mass. I now posit there is a corollary: despite how much you clean, purge, declutter, and generally empty a space, children will achieve Conservation of Mess. I cleaned most of the downstairs today and a good portion of the upstairs. To compensate for this loss of mess, the kids managed, in the space of about 45 nanoseconds, to trash several previously cleaned spots.

What. the fuck?


OT: Dude just peed standing up and said, "It's a good thing when I pee potty. Rock on!"

OT2: I contemplated washing the kitchen floors today. No, not mopping. Washing. On my hands and knees. Perhaps I nest?

Holy crap, I'm in

I just turned in the paperwork for the ADN program at a local community college. So in 18-24 months, I'll be starting my first semester of nursing school. No assessment tests (I have a BA), no pre-program classes (I have a BA), and no swollen uterus (I have 4-8 weeks left. Oh, did I neglect to mention that? Time somehow flew. Another post for another day).

In other positive news, the pigs are gone. The yard we had them in was fairly devestated (picture Beirut, for instance), and the grass literally was greener on the other side of the fence (simply by virtue of there being grass). So they started busting out. We thought we were being all clever by putting the portable electric fencing inside the other yard but they had the nasty habit of charging *through* it instead of backing off. So they busted out again. Then the last time I realized that I couldn't: herd the pigs, fix the fence, and keep the kids from killing each other while I tried to do the first two. Poor Husband had to rush home twice in a week to help me corral them. His partners probably find it very amusing.

After wandering around the yard for 10 minutes weeping hysterically, I called the butcher and begged them (more weeping) to "come out and kill these damn things." They took pity on me and when Husband and I managed to lure three of them into the kids' play yard (again: Beirut). Lovely Clyde the Butcher came out and dispatched them that day. The other three we got into the old freezer (don't worry, it's 18'x20'), and they went to the Great Beyond two days later.

I picked them up the day before yesterday and I can't tell you how much more relaxed I feel. Between that and stepping down as the organizer for a local Meetup group, it's like I was on vacation for two weeks. I had no idea how much they were freaking me out until their collective weight was off my shoulders.

We've pretty much decided that we won't have more pigs until we have permanent fencing, which we might be able to do in the spring, but probably not. Luckily, Clyde the Butcher sells directly so we can buy from him if we need to.

I probably have lots more to report but I can't think of it now and it's time for the news.

Oh. Um, EWWW

When you flush the toilet, ideally all the products therein flow merrily downhill through the stack and into the sewer/septic/holding tank/whatever fetid locale you happen to have. Right?

I'm just checking, because right now? If you flush the upstairs bathroom toilet, massive quantities of ick flow up through the tub drain. Into the tub. Which we generally use for cleansing our bodies.

There are no words.

Husband made a valiant effort and tried to snake the toilet, but my theory is that the issue is in the tub's line and it's moved far enough down that now it's affecting the toilet, too.

PS, my god we poop a lot.

In other news, I called our local meat guys and am waiting to hear back on when they're coming out to do the pigs. They won't be nearly as big as Breakfast and Brunch, but we got them late (thanks, local meat guys!), so our timeline was shorter.

I feel bad because unlike pretty much any other animal I can think of, when the pigs encounter the electric fence, these guys charge THROUGH it instead of backing AWAY from it. So we haven't had any luck moving them to greener pastures (literally). They're still in the chicken yard, which thanks to several days of rain and the handiwork of our rootertillers, now measure about 5" of muck. I know they'd rather have nice cushy grass but they're too effing stupid/stubborn/bizarre to accept that white lines = pain and hey, STAY AWAY FROM THE WHITE LINES AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

Next year, we learn them young and early.

Perp started preschool last week and is already home with a cold. Swell! I know she's really feeling pretty bad because she's willing to just flop on the couch with Noggin on, and even spent several hours upstairs in her bed with no complaint. People, that's huge.

Dude has mastered the art of pooping on the potty. This morning, he dragged Husband in to show him and said, "That certainly is a big poop!" Too bad we couldn't flush it down the freaking toilet.

Patho-ver me

Yesterday was the first day of my pathophysiology class. I'm very excited. I have a few days before we're divided into discussion groups and start working, so I'm putting up the bat signal for anyone who's taken it and can recommend good study guides. I LOVE Springhouse Notes (the A&P book was immeasurably useful to me), but they don't seem to be in print anymore, and they never seemed to have a patho volume. Boo. There's the Incredibly Easy series, but I don't know. Seems like false advertising. Anyone ever use one?

I really don't want to buy any textbooks, but I'm willing to be convinced.

Another successful day of mothering

down the drain.

Hey, I have an idea: let's have a bath! Relaxing, cleansing, fun. Right?

Tell that to the two tearing around the upstairs hall shrieking at the top of their lungs (now with fighting!). I warned Dude that standing up in the tub meant an automatic end to bathtime and he didn't believe me. NOW he wants to wash his hair, which I couldn't bribe him to do with all the tea in China (or jellybeans in the candy factory, which is a far more likely option). Perp didn't want to get out because she wanted to play mermaid, but I really want to get them fed and down early. So I wrestled him out, threatened her out, and now they're banging on my door and trying their level best to break the sound barrier.

TO hell with the kids, it's a wonder any of the parents survive.

I wish you could hear them. It's really quite astonishing.

Because I so totally want to win this

I'm clueing you in, too. Simple Mom has an awsome contest up at her site (closes tonight, so hop to it!). She also had a great post today about tasks. Multi, single, reallynotnecessary, and how they can get in the way of parenting. (guilty).

Must be time for a vacation

Perp: I wish I didn't have a little brother. Then we could go to lizard land today.
Me: Where's that?
P: Mmmm, it's by Mexico.