Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Welcome to the rest of your life

Today was my last day of work. From now on, until I either can't stand it or need the money, I am a SAHM. I am freaking out.

I don't know how to do this. I mean, the general mothering, the feeding, changing, shushing, etc., that I know how to do. But I don't know anyone with kids Perp's age, I don't know our neighbors, and I don't think they have any interest in us. I signed up with Meetup.com but have yet to have a meeting actually happen. I don't know how to remain sane with no one to commiserate with me.

I went to the Family Resource Center's drop-in last week and met some mamas there, but they all have older kids, toddlers and up. I went to the Mother's Milk meeting at the hospital and was the only one to show up. That was ok, the lactation consultants fondled Perp and we had a great time with them, but it's not chilling with other mamas, you know? I'm going to the Mama Gathering in Mpls next month with a friend, and I hope to meet some local mamas, but it sounds like a big group, so odds may not be in my favor.

Anyone have any suggestions?

I also don't know how to deal with the money issues. Husband totally supports my staying home with P. He grew up with a SAHM, so he has warm fuzzies about it, and that's great, but despite how much I wanted to do this, I still have this dark little corner in my mind that whispers, "You're totally dependent on someone now. You won't have your own money and this isn't a fair exchange. You get to be at home and sleep in (ed: HA!)and he has to work and what you're doing isn't as valuable as bringing home a paycheck." I *know* that's not true. This culture, though, I think--know--it sends a double message. On the one hand, you're seen as a better mother if you stay home, OTOH, your worth is tied up in how much you produce, how much you make, you know? And what I produce these days is milk. Of course, another view is that you're a better mother if you work and have professionals take care of your kids, because they know how to do this.

What's a girl to do?

No comments: