Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Ass-vice

Okay. I know I shouldn't eat in bed. And I really know I shouldn't eat candy in bed. But I did and it was good. So what I need to know is how? HOW in the hell did the wax paper wrapper from my caramel--the wrapper I wadded up and tossed aside before I fell asleep--how did it end up in my ass crack? Are my underwear *that* gappy?

And an unsolicited warning: if your baby is teething and drooling like a St. Bernard, do not hold him/her over your head in flying baby mode while you have your mouth wide open.

4 comments:

Devan said...

INSERT *uncontrollable laughter*
Thank you. I needed that.

Northwoods Baby said...

Dude. Seriously, I woke up and thought, "..why does my ass hurt? Oh. Well, yeah, that would explain it."

I'm not sure if I was thrashing around that much or what, but there it was. Nestled. Pointily nestled. If I were a thong-y gal (and I'd been out in public), you'd have seen the little stowaway when I bent over. Luckily for me, I was all alone and no one saw.

Luckily for you, I post intimate details of my life on the internet.

nessa said...

ew and ew!!! also, haha.

kristinleah1 said...

a few weeks ago i was playing airplane with emme....she threw up in my mouth.....i ask myself why did i open my mouth to screech when i saw the eruption instead of just turning my head to the side thus preventing the "incident"..... arg.....wrong on so many levels....i guess that i can now honestly say i have had breast cheese....mmmmmmmm brad's response to whole thing....that is wrong on so many levels..... shut up crap bag.