Thursday, August 31, 2006

Three incidents, two days, one common denominator

There is clearly something about me that sets people off.

#1) Yesterday, as I was taking the Dude to the babysitter to attend a Work Function with Husband, I was nearly nailed by a skinny little man in a little red car. You know the guy: sketchy facial hair, baseball cap, needs a haircut, smoke in his mouth or hand AT ALL TIMES. He was hauling ass through a residential neighborhood, driving in the left-hand lane. I was making a right turn, directly into his path. I slammed on the breaks and made some astonished faces, but I did not yell. I did not shake my hands, I didn't even flip him off. He raced off and I went my merry way to the sitter's.

Just as I was taking the dude out of his carseat, Angry Little Man drove up, after having driven around the 'hood looking for me, and stabbed his smoke in my direction: "You need to learn to yield, bitch!"

I managed an indignant, "SUCK ME!" before he (surprise!) raced off again.

#2) I then drove to Local Historic Mansion for the Work Thing and decided to take the (free!) (unguided) tour.

I was inspecting some wallpaper (painted burlap, really pretty and not at all trashy looking despite the products used to achieve the effect, i.e., burlap). One of the docents snapped at me, "Don't touch that!"

Um. I am not 2. At least couch your abuse in friendly "I'm sorry but..." language. Bitter old bitch. Further proof that I need medication: I nearly burst into tears.

#3. I went to lunch at a local spot that is, when it's not Thursday, a social club for people with serious and intractable mental illness. It's a great place, especially if you like to eat, because the food is made from scratch and the coordinator is a dedicated dessert freak. My kind of people.

I was sitting with my regular crowd when a couple sat at the table next to us. The woman had two cigarettes in her hand and I *think* the man had a lighter. Either way, I don't know about you but when I see smokes out of a pack, I think they're about to be lit. So I said, "I'm sorry, I don't know if you know it but there's no smoking on the porch on Thursdays."

She freaked out on me and was all, "I"M NOT SMOKING! IS IT LIT? HELLO?! IF IT'S NOT LIT I'M NOT SMOKING!"

I said, "I know you're not but I wanted you to know before you did."

She ranted on. Clearly a member in good standing.

So. Dear internets, tell me: do I have a "Bitch At Me" sign over my head? Am I just too damned sensitive and should get the fuck over it? Is the world filled with bitter, angry, small-minded people who are assigned to persecute me at each and every opportunity? Somehow I think it's a tasty casserole of all the above.

1 comment:

Devan said...

geez! If it matters, those 3 crazy people were totally in the wrong.
I would have cried at almost all of those -I am passionately nonconfrontational and easily shaken. *blushes*

I hope nobody else bitches you out.