Sunday, January 07, 2007

Lip service*

All the smokers: raise your hands.

Okay. So when you were in that too-cool-for-school roll-your-own phase, remember how the paper would stick to your lip like it was superglue and if you didn't lick the paper or get your lips really wet** you'd rip off about thee square yards of skin and bleedbleedbleed while you tried to smoke through the pain?

Did you know you can do the same thing if you hold a postcard from Gevalia in your mouth while you try and, I don't know, make like you're an octopus and talk on the phone, diaper the baby, and spread peanut butter onto a cracker for the toddler? Yes! It's true!

AND! Did you know that if you repeatedly bite the inside of your lip when you eat because apparently it sticks in when you chew, you can gnaw almost all the way through and that blood and ham, while a piquant combination, isn't probably going to be your favorite meal of the day? Also true!

*I kill me.
**Leading to soggy smokes that go out even faster than normal since loose 'baccy doesn't seem to have the same agent orange-like chemical in it that prevents commercial, pre-rolled smokes from EVER going out unless you MASH them heartlessly into the eyeball of the asshole who got you hooked on hand-rolled in the first place.

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